Benedict Cumberbatch Doesn’t Want To Know That You Fap To His Mom

December 30, 2013 / Posted by:

Personally, I’m surprised Benedict Cumberbatch has a human mother; I just assumed he was created one day when a cashmere scarf from Harrods wrapped itself around a box turtle with a sharp stick up its ass. But I guess this is why I got turned down for that sex-ed teaching job. C’est la vie.

In an interview with the Daily Mirror (via Jezebel) Eggs Benedict talks about how it’s a real bummer when strangers try to make small talk by saying creepy shit about his famously hot mother, Wanda Ventham:

“I’ve been trapped with men in elevators who say to me, ‘Oh… I really used to like your mum. She’s really hot'”, he told the Daily Mirror. ”I don’t know what to say. If I say, ‘No, she’s not’, that is really insulting to my mother, and if I say she is, it seems very wrong. She is smokin’, I guess.”

Smokin? I guess? Show your mother’s hotness some damn respect, you Smaug-faced fool! Back in the day, homegirl was the axe that chopped the wood and the match that lit the fire:

WandaVentham

Sorry Benny, but you need to come to terms with the fact that your mom was a Grade-A, 4-star MILF. Which is crazy, because Benedict is, pardon my french, not stocking shelves in the looks department. Are we sure they’re blood related? I mean, unless she’s hiding a turtle shell under that purple blouse, I have no idea what DNA they share.

I’m sure people aren’t moving in close and damply whispering into Benedict’s ear: “I got my first boner after watching your mother on Doctor Who but it still comes across as a bit gross. Here’s why: telling someone you have the hots for their dad/cousin/gam-gam is kind of like saying “Read between the lines, I’ve pictured them naked before”. Which is fine for you, but then that other person starts imagining their dad/cousin/gam-gam naked, which leads to shuddering, drinking, and years of therapy. Do you really want that on your conscience?

(Pic via Wenn)

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >