Benedict Cumberbatch Doesn’t Want To Know That You Fap To His Mom

December 30, 2013 / Posted by:

Personally, I’m surprised Benedict Cumberbatch has a human mother; I just assumed he was created one day when a cashmere scarf from Harrods wrapped itself around a box turtle with a sharp stick up its ass. But I guess this is why I got turned down for that sex-ed teaching job. C’est la vie.

In an interview with the Daily Mirror (via Jezebel) Eggs Benedict talks about how it’s a real bummer when strangers try to make small talk by saying creepy shit about his famously hot mother, Wanda Ventham:

“I’ve been trapped with men in elevators who say to me, ‘Oh… I really used to like your mum. She’s really hot'”, he told the Daily Mirror. ”I don’t know what to say. If I say, ‘No, she’s not’, that is really insulting to my mother, and if I say she is, it seems very wrong. She is smokin’, I guess.”

Smokin? I guess? Show your mother’s hotness some damn respect, you Smaug-faced fool! Back in the day, homegirl was the axe that chopped the wood and the match that lit the fire:


Sorry Benny, but you need to come to terms with the fact that your mom was a Grade-A, 4-star MILF. Which is crazy, because Benedict is, pardon my french, not stocking shelves in the looks department. Are we sure they’re blood related? I mean, unless she’s hiding a turtle shell under that purple blouse, I have no idea what DNA they share.

I’m sure people aren’t moving in close and damply whispering into Benedict’s ear: “I got my first boner after watching your mother on Doctor Who but it still comes across as a bit gross. Here’s why: telling someone you have the hots for their dad/cousin/gam-gam is kind of like saying “Read between the lines, I’ve pictured them naked before”. Which is fine for you, but then that other person starts imagining their dad/cousin/gam-gam naked, which leads to shuddering, drinking, and years of therapy. Do you really want that on your conscience?

(Pic via Wenn)

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