Very Clever Placement Of Those Towels, Jenny

Since the whole world cares about Jennifer Aniston’s Quest for Child, I naturally looked at these pictures of her in Los Cabos and immediately thought: What’s under the towel, Jen? You hiding a baby? Which is fucking stupid, because DUH it’s just a picture of a woman on vacation wearing a cover-up. But we live in a world where FOREVER ALONE Jenny could be on a beach at 87 wearing a cover-up and we’d still have magazines printing cover stories that say: JENNIFER ANISTON: BABY AT LAST, so give me a break if my first thoughts were of Jennifer stripping the Cabbage Patch Dolls off her bed and placing them in a box marked: FREE TO A LONELY SPINSTER.

Just like she does every damn year, Jennifer Aniston is ringing in the New Year in Los Cabos with Best Friend Forever Courtney Cox and Best Get Me A Smartwater, Bitch Justin Theroux. Jen in a bikini is nothing new (throwing Jennifer Aniston bikini into a search engine will return as many results as LeAnn Rimes crazy tweets) but this year it looks like she’s invested in a wearable blanket, which either means she’s covering up a baby bump or she did a shit job with an at-home waxing kit. I’m going to go the latter, because those things are always a goddamned disaster that leave you saying ‘Fuck it, I’ll wear a beach Snuggie’ after fucking up the first 2 pulls. Jen, you’re 44; let your garden grow, girl.

Here’s more of Jenny, Courteney Cox, Justin Theroux, Justin’s shitty back tattoo that looks like a collage of penises, Jimmy Kimmel and his wife, Howard Stern, and Beth Ostrosky Stern having fun on a beach while you sadly sink further into the couch for hour 4 of a House Hunters marathon:

(Pics via Splash)