Very Clever Placement Of Those Towels, Jenny

December 29, 2013 / Posted by:

Since the whole world cares about Jennifer Aniston’s Quest for Child, I naturally looked at these pictures of her in Los Cabos and immediately thought: What’s under the towel, Jen? You hiding a baby? Which is fucking stupid, because DUH it’s just a picture of a woman on vacation wearing a cover-up. But we live in a world where FOREVER ALONE Jenny could be on a beach at 87 wearing a cover-up and we’d still have magazines printing cover stories that say: JENNIFER ANISTON: BABY AT LAST, so give me a break if my first thoughts were of Jennifer stripping the Cabbage Patch Dolls off her bed and placing them in a box marked: FREE TO A LONELY SPINSTER.

Just like she does every damn year, Jennifer Aniston is ringing in the New Year in Los Cabos with Best Friend Forever Courtney Cox and Best Get Me A Smartwater, Bitch Justin Theroux. Jen in a bikini is nothing new (throwing Jennifer Aniston bikini into a search engine will return as many results as LeAnn Rimes crazy tweets) but this year it looks like she’s invested in a wearable blanket, which either means she’s covering up a baby bump or she did a shit job with an at-home waxing kit. I’m going to go the latter, because those things are always a goddamned disaster that leave you saying ‘Fuck it, I’ll wear a beach Snuggie’ after fucking up the first 2 pulls. Jen, you’re 44; let your garden grow, girl.

Here’s more of Jenny, Courteney Cox, Justin Theroux, Justin’s shitty back tattoo that looks like a collage of penises, Jimmy Kimmel and his wife, Howard Stern, and Beth Ostrosky Stern having fun on a beach while you sadly sink further into the couch for hour 4 of a House Hunters marathon:

(Pics via Splash)

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >