When it was announced that Brit Brit Spears will grace Las Vegas with her natural talent for moving her mouth to a song while waving her arms, every single living thing with at least half of a working brain cell assumed that she would lip-synch like the last place winner on Puttin’ on the Hits. Or lip-synch like a deaf possum with his jaw wired shut. But Brit Brit said in an interview that she will be singing live and her beef jerky-faced manager Larry Rudolph said that she was working with a vocal coach. Well, the dress rehearsal for her show Piece of Me happened last night and if she sang live, then I’ve got a clean record at the free clinic, and she’s a singing genius, because she somehow managed to sound exactly like the album recording. She must have auto-tune installed in her vocal cords.
Of course Brit Brit isn’t going to totally sing live in her show. Showing up to a Brit Brit show and expecting sounds to come out of her mouth is like showing up to a glory hole and acting all surprised when a hard, drippy dick pokes you in the face. Above and below (that clip below looks like something out of a trailer park production of Angels in America the Musical) are clips from last night’s final dress rehearsal and it’s obvious she’s either mumbling over a track or totally lip-synching. But there’s two very good reasons for why she’s not singing live.
1. Brit Brit sounds like a chipmunk with laryngitis on helium getting attacked by a pack of hyenas when she sings live, so if she did sing live, the ASPCA and PETA would be at the stage door every night.
2. Singers who sing several times a week are told by vocal coaches to stay away from certain foods before a performance and those certain foods include anything salty, which includes CHEETOS. Can you imagine if Our Lady of Cheetos couldn’t fill her eating hole with her life food, pork rinds and other gourmet delicacies found at a 7-Eleven? The world as we know it would change. Frito-Lay would have to file for bankruptcy and Chester Cheetah would have to suck Ronald McDonald’s dick behind a dumpster to pay the rent.
So Brit Brit isn’t lip-synching for her life, she’s lip-synching for Chester Cheetah’s life!