There’s Trouble In Tori and Dean’s Broke Bitch Paradise

December 26, 2013 / Posted by:

In case Santa couldn’t fit any schadenfreude in your stocking next to the coal, condoms and lube, USWeekly has a little karmic deliciousness for you. They are reporting that Dean McDermott cheated on Tori Spelling earlier this month after meeting 28-year old Emily Goodhand (now and forever known as Emily Handjob) through friends while he was in Toronto pimping out his hosting gig for Chopped Canada. Miss Handjob gave the magazine an exclusive interview.

He told me he and Tori had a sexless marriage,” says Goodhand, who stayed over at his hotel the following night too. “I believed him.

Dean! The first rule of Goldiggers’s Club is to not bite the hand that feeds you. Now you march right over to Candy’s house and say you’re sorry. While you’re there, ask for a check so you can take a Cheating Sleaze 101 class down at the rec center and get yourself some new lines. The sexless marriage shtick is so old it watched Jesus lace up his sandals.

And Emily! Guuuurl, you just became the piñata Tori is going to beat to death until the checks run dry. Get some home wrecking standards for yourself and cross everything from your fingers to those whore legs that Dean was able to get down to the Humane Society and qualify for their low-cost spay and neuter program because Tori would milk a pregnant mistress story for all it’s worth.

It looks like Tori is going to go against everything she believes in by ignoring attention from the press and is pretending everything is A-OK if this blog entry is any indication. You can’t fool us, Tori. We know you’ve already posted an open position at Tori Spelling, Inc., looking for somebody who has a way with words and can painfully force either your first or last name into the title of a book that will document the aftermath of Dean’s (alleged) affair. May I suggest “The STori Of How You Get A Man Is How You Lose A Man“?

(Pic: Splash)

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