On the list of things that can slowly destroy Anna Wintour, go ahead and add “Christmas trees” between “models fatter than a size zero” and “Grace Coddington’s side-eye.” And on the list of things that can quickly destroy a Christmas tree, add Anna Wintour’s name above “deranged pussies.” On Christmas Day, Anna’s daughter Bee Schaffer Instagrammed a picture of a bunch of presents lying by themselves on the floor and on a bench, because Anna banished it to the dumpster for being messy. “NO MORE PINE NEEEEDLES!” is the new “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!”
It’s not surprising that Anna Wintour ruined Christmas by trashing her tree for being a mess, because you know when her kids were young she threw them down the trash chute every time they made a mess. But what’s really surprising is that Anna Wintour celebrates Christmas. Like a huge jizz load coming out of a dude with small nuts, that’s a shocking twist I didn’t see coming.
But I still refuse to believe that Anna Wintour celebrates the birth of the baby Jesus. Bee just Instagrammed that shit to throw us off her mother’s trail. Every December 25th, Andre Leon Talley comes over and they bathe in the blood of their rivals before dancing on the bones of the teenage models they destroyed with their gaze while pledging their allegiance to Lucifer. Then they prank Kunty Karl by sending two dozen Double Sensation Pizzas from Pizza Hut to his lair.
There’s no Christmas tree in that picture, because there was no Christmas Tree there to begin with. Nice try, Bee!