The Pristine Silicone Blossom From Jersey Shore Is Knocked Up

December 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Because every Jersey Shore whore is contractually obligated to spawn a cast member for the reboot of Jersey Shore is 2033, JWoww’s got a growing guidoling growing in her womb. Right after JWoww Googled the question “Do I have to stop Botoxing my vagina if I’m pregnant?”  she announced on her website that she’s currently knocked up with the plot for the next season of her shitty reality show with Snooki.

Merry Christmas from within! Roger and I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas gift this year! We wanted to share this exciting news with you all first because you have been a part of our lives these past few years and seen the love between Roger and me develop and blossom. We are so excited to share this new chapter of our lives with you as we become parents and create more memories with a new addition to our family! Thank you for all your love and support and for being there for us throughout the years! We are extremely happy and cannot wait for our bundle of joy to arrive!
Happy holidays from our growing family to yours!
Love,
Jenni, Roger and Baby Mathews

JWoah (as Joey from Blossom calls her) got engaged to the tattooed bag of orange muscles that is Roger Matthews last year. JWoww will birth out the third Jersey Shore child. Pauly D made a surprise baby this year and Snooki had a son last year.

When we all found out that Snooki was going to be somebody’s mother, I figured that she’d give birth to her baby in a men’s bathroom stall at Karma, trade him in for a kamikaze shot and keep on partying and fucking. But Snooki shocked us all by not being a shitty mother. It’s still a scientific mystery that the world didn’t split into two when Snooki’s son turned one without at least one visit from CPS. I don’t know what kind of mom JWoww will be, but I do know that she’ll raise a truly elegant child. JWoww and Roger will teach their kid the importance of over-plucking and she’ll teach it how to properly work a Spandex onesie with cutouts.

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