About a week ago, the bloody, disintegrating tampon shoved all the way up humanity’s vagina announced that he was going to give us all some relief by retiring from music. Hark, the angels stopped singing, because it was a prank. Justin Bieber already has his STUNT PRINCESS tiara and I guess he wants that STUNT QUEEN crown, because last night, on Christmas Eve, he announced his retirement again. Justin Bieber announcing that no more songs are going to come out of his mouth is the greatest gift the world has ever gotten since God’s REAL biological child Shauna Sand was born in a lucite manger many years ago. Justin tweeted this out last night:
My beloved beliebers I'm officially retiring
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) December 25, 2013
But just when everyone was about to throw their presents in the fireplace since no gift is better than the gift of Justin Bieber’s resignation tweet, he pooped out another tweet where he said he’s joking, “The media talks a lot about me. They make a up a lot of lies and want me to fail but I’m never leaving you. Being a belieber is a lifestyle.”
I’ll respond to that by quoting what some shitty born again parents say to their kid when he comes out to them: “Son, I can’t agree with your ‘lifestyle.’ Now get out of the house!”
But seriously, Justin Bieber keeps announcing he’s retiring from making music. But my question is, how can you retire from making music when you’ve never really made actual “music” in the first place?