Send Your Prayers To Morrissey, Another Royal Baby Might Be Coming

December 24, 2013 / Posted by:

Forget a grain, take this story with a fistful of salt. And in the event you need a suggestion for a festive alternative to salt, may I suggest a 2lb bag of crushed Kandy Kane-brand candy-substitute? If you hurry, you can grab the last bag at your local 99¢ store on deep holiday discount. It’s a great accompaniment to the annoying tick-tock sound your aunt makes when she points at your vacant 30-year-old stomach.

Speaking of babies, Star Magazine (via Hollywood Life) is reporting that Duchess Kate might not have to endure Camilla’s unsolicited womb inquiries at the Buckingham Palace ugly sweater party this evening, because the has a case of the BABIES!!1! Again, this is a story from Star Magazine, so let’s not all rush out and buy Harry a World’s Foxiest Uncle x2 mug just yet:

Kate Middleton is pregnant again! The couple are hoping for a baby girl, and feel that a “little sister for George would be perfect!” On Dec. 11, Kate and Prince William attended the premiere of Natural History Museum Alive 3D and she was reportedly resting her hand on her stomach the whole night! Now sources have confirmed that she’s three months along!

“Their immediate families are obviously thrilled beyond words when the couple told them news,” a Palace insider adds. “The other royals, including William’s grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, were let in on Kate’s wonderful secret during their Christmas lunch at Buckingham Palace on Dec. 18 — and the entire family is now sworn to keeping it quiet so that an official announcement can be made in the New Year.”

If resting your hand on your stomach paunch means you’re pregnant, then all our food-hungry asses should band together and send a festive ‘SEE YOUR ASS IN CHILD SUPPORT COURT’ email to Taco Bell and Rosarita Refried Beans, demanding they step up and take care of their children.

But is that all it takes to convince someone you’re pregnant? Touching your stomach? What if Kate was hiding a merlot stain with her hands? Maybe I’ll test out this theory by using the expectant mother’s parking space at Target and walking to the entrance with my right hand on my gut. Prove I’m not pregnant, Target! I touched my stomach; that basically means I’m with child. Now point me in the direction of  the Lay’s chocolate-covered potato chips.

(Pic via Splash)

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