Rachel Zoe Named Her Kid Kaius Jagger

December 24, 2013 / Posted by:

Here’s Rachel “Chupacabra” Zoe and her husband Rodger Berman looking like two 1960s hippies who stole a child out of a suburban house and drove to Northern California to raise it with their cult. That baby is either weirded out by just being born or he doesn’t know where to look since to the right is Rodger’s Partridge Family hair part and to the left is Chupa!

On Sunday, Chupa’s weight dropped back down to 5 pounds and 3 ounces when she birthed out a 7 pound boy. Thank GOD Chupa didn’t give her hair person and her mortician the holiday off, because they were there to paint her face and get her chupacabra beautiful for this picture with Rodger and her new son. Chupa tweeted this little note with the picture:

Meet the newest member of our family, Kaius Jagger

They plan on calling him Kai. I Googled to see if Kaius means anything and apparently it means: “Rachel Zoe made that shit up.” This is why you should never watch Pacific Rim while you’re knocked up and looking for baby names. You might end up naming your kid Kaius Jagger. Chupa and Roger’s oldest son is named Skyler and they call him Sky. Sky and Kai! That sounds like the name of twin Asian DJs who are the second most popular DJs in Ibiza during off-season. Sky and Kai also sounds like the name of the best friends of the protagonist in a Young Adult sci-fi novel that takes place in a world made entirely of water.

Since Chupa calls Sky “Sky Sky” all the time, I’m sure she’ll call Kai “Kai Kai.” And if you’re fluent in draganese, you know “kai kai” means “two drag queens bumping taints.” I take back all the bitter, bitchy things I said about the name Kaius Jagger. Kai Kai is a brilliant baby name!

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