Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 24, 2013 / Posted by:

The enormous, ugly, enormous (I just have to type that twice in there) crystal teardrop necklace that has been assaulting my eyes for the past few episodes of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

When Demi Moore’s weekday matinee standby Kyle Richards shot her “confessionals” for the current season of RHoBH, she just had to wear a teardrop necklace that is almost bigger than the teardrop that squirts out of my eye every time I look at that tacky neck anchor. That necklace must serve another purpose besides making my eyeballs stretch and heave. It must serve as an anchor that holds down Kyle and keeps the helium, fuckery gas and heavy clouds of delusion in her head from carrying her off into the sky.

Kyle started wearing that Eye of Kypton mess a few episodes ago and I finally looked it up after last night’s episode to see if it’s a serious thing that is sold in stores and not just something one of her daughters made using scraps from a Z Gallerie chandelier and a dog collar. It does exist! Human beings are actually paying $495 for a necklace that looks like a kidney stone pushed out by Liberace (no offense to Liberace’s dearly departed kidneys). I’m surprised you can use money to buy that necklace. That’s the kind of necklace that to get you have to go into the darkest part of the forest, swim across a lake of trapped nightmares, tiptoe passed the sleeping gargoyles, sneak into the witch’s house and pull it off her neck before pushing her into the fire. That necklace holds everyone’s trapped innocence.

I love shiny things, but I draw that line at that crap. I really hope that in a future episode, a mob of cats attack her ass. Or Brandi Glanville mistakes it for a freshly polished meth rock, rips it off Kyle’s neck, chops it up and smokes it. One can hope.

Pic: Facebook

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