Kate Winslet Named Her Baby “Bear”

December 23, 2013 / Posted by:

File this under: Missed Opportunities For A Truly Sensational Celebrity Baby Name.

Kate Winslet and her husband, Ned Rocknroll, welcomed their first child together on December 7 in London, her third baby by her third husband (she was previously wed to Jim Threapleton and Sam Mendes). The morality police clutched their pearls and came over all faint at the idea of a woman having three babies by three different men but frankly, they’re missing the fucking point here. The real tragedy of this entire thing is that Kate and Ned halfassed their baby name selection by giving Bear her last name, as The Sun (via NYDN) reported.

First of all, Bear has already been done. Kate is going to need to figure out how to upstage Alicia Silverstone’s special brand of parenting after giving her son the same name as Alicia’s. Maybe she can hook up with Leonardo DiCaprio to develop a baby formula made from the powdered tears of actors who have never won an Oscar. Leo could singlehandedly keep the company afloat if he hands a case to every fetus he dates after their contract expires.

Second, how did Kate and Ned pass up the chance to use his legal last name of Rocknroll as a surname instead of naming him Bear Winslet? This is the most disappointing decision Kate has made since she refused to move the fuck over so Jack Dawson could have a chance at life. Think of the instantaneous Apple endorsement deal they could have had if they had named their baby iLove Rocknroll.

(Pic: Splash)

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