Clint Eastwood Will Give Dina Eastwood A Spousal Support Check When She Pries It From His Cold, Dead Hands

Yes, up until three seconds ago, I thought Clint Eastwood was the one who made that line sort of famous. And yes, up until three seconds ago, I also learned that Clint Eastwood and Charlton Heston are two different people. The more you Google, the more you know.

Over the summer, gold diggers who have trained in the art of seducing senile, old, rich coots grabbed their shovels and went to work when Clint Eastwood and Dina Eastwood announced that their marriage had a chalk outline around it. The news came a few months after Dina went to rehab for anxiety and the sads. TMZ says that Clint is giving Dina a couple more things to be anxious about, because he’s fighting her ass in their divorce battle. Dina is the one who filed for divorce and Clint recently filed his own papers shooting down her request for spousal support and full custody of their 16-year-old daughter Morgan. Clint asked the court to give him joint custody of Morgan and he doesn’t want to send Dina a monthly check. Radar adds that Clint and Dina have a prenup and they actually broke up a full year before they announced it.

Since they have a prenup, I’m sure Clint is giving Dina a house and/or a lump sum of cash for licking the liver spots on his dick and the dry spots on his balls for 17 years. If Dina signed a prenup that states that all she gets is the memories of Clint taking his teeth out before eating her out, then she is a pox on the house of gold diggers! But what’s worse is, if Clint doesn’t give her a pile of money, she’ll have to run off to E! and beg them to bring back her truly awful reality shit show. So please, give her a check, Clint. Your soulmate (aka that empty chair) wants you to do it. It told me so!