Cue the Illuminati conspiracy theorists…Beyonce’s halo represents an ascension to the right hand of a one-world power! Mercy’s acceptance of the kiss is total enlightenment in her fate as a sacrifice for the New World Order! Madonna’s choice of Instagram filter is the unwritten contract to the Elders of Zion! (Holy shit, it’s exhausting to be that crazy).
Last night, Madonna was dragged by her daughter Mercy to Brooklyn’s Barclays Center to pay $18 for a Diet Coke and scream along to Single Ladies with a zillion other 8-to-12 year old girls and the glittery gays of YouTube. During the show, Beyoncé leaned down and made Mercy’s day, her week, her month, and even her yeeeeear by gracing her forehead with the presence of Bey’s lips as Madonna Instagrammed a picture with the caption: Mercy James gets a big fat one from the Queen. B!
Did Madonna just use the words big fat and Queen B in the same sentence? Intentional or unintentional, it still gets a slow clap from me.
After the show ended, E! Online reports that Beyoncé moved the party to Dave and Busters (don’t book an appointment with your optometrist, you read that right) to celebrate the release of her super-secret album. Excuse me? Dave and Busters? Who are you trying to fool, Bey; you don’t do Dave and Busters. Hell, I’m gutter trash and I don’t do Dave and Busters (I know it’s in my blood to like shitty beer and skee-ball, but I frigging hate that place.) We’ve all seen The Fighting Temptations; Bey doesn’t have the acting skills to successfully convince us she’s not completely out of place in that dumpy, noisy mess.
Nope, I was wrong; she nailed it. Pretty much looks like everyone I’ve ever seen at Dave and Busters. All that’s missing is audio of her screaming: “SHAAAAATS! LET’S DO SHAAATS!!” and the smell of beer-soaked carpet to give you the full D&B’s experience.
And that assistant/agent/PR lady behind her is giving such ”I need to update my resume and look for a new job on Linkedin tomorrow’ face I can barely handle it.