A&E Is Getting Death Threats For Suspending Duck Dynasty Phil

December 20, 2013 / Posted by:

Just like the Twitter DM box of anybody who dares talk trash about Harry Styles or any of the other One Direction twinks, A&E’s inbox is filling up with death threats from insane crazies who are still screaming their anuses off over Phil Robertson getting suspended from Duck Dynasty. These people are acting like Phil Robertson saved their baby from a burning building, gave them a litter of Grumpy Cat clones, gave them the DVDs for the lost final season of Footballers Wives, texted them pictures of a naked Prince Hot Ginge spooning with a naked ASkars, gave them a pill that makes dick cum taste like cronut batter, donated a kidney to them, helped them save hundreds of dollars on their car insurance (for real) and gave them the winning MegaMillions ticket he bought in Georgia. Because DAMN!

Deadline says that A&E had to add security to their NYC offices, because they’re getting a lot of death threats and suspicious looking packages from viewers (or ex-viewers) who are still mad as shit that their very own Rosa Parks (I wish I smoked a lot of crack and made that up) has been shoved to the sidelines. The entire Robertson family said last night that they aren’t going to go on with the show if Phil is out. Deadline also says that A&E and the Robertsons haven’t had any meetings since the family threatened to quit that bitch.

Death threats, really? If you’re calling up A&E and threatening to kill them all because they suspended your favorite reality show dude, hang up the phone and call 1-866-GIT-HELP instead. It really isn’t that serious. These crazies need priorities. I mean, when A&E yanked Candy Finnigan out of my life by canceling Intervention, did I call them up and threaten to murder their face in? No, I didn’t. Okay, I might’ve called them and played Ke$ha’s last album in its entirety for their voicemail box, which I guess is considered a terrorist threat and attempted murder…..

And because I don’t want to end this post with MURDER talk, let’s end it with gay porn talk! Buzzfeed points out that Scott Gurney, the creator of Duck Dynasty, played a gay-for-pay meth head in 2001’s The Fluffer, a cinematic masterpiece about gay porn and man ass.

Strangely enough, irony tastes a lot like man anus.

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