Jon Hamm is obviously embracing the season of giving because he trotted out the Hammaconda as a gift to us all at Barneys in L.A. while shopping with his girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt. She looks kind of embarrassed to be seen with that big lug (and Jon) and she needs to reel that shame in. There are plenty of men and women out there who would gladly trade places with her and would jump out of that store in front of Jon in a full-on Mary Katherine Gallagher “SUPERSTAR” move to announce that the Hammaconda is coming while the “fall on your kneeeeees” line from O Holy Night plays in the background.
I just noticed I got white chocolate all over the front of my shirt when I was dipping Christmas cookies earlier and nothing goes better with pics of peen print than a shirt that looks like it received the Lewinsky treatment. Jon doesn’t usually do much for me, but apparently the holiday spirit has shown itself in the form of fake jizz. I’ve been shit this year, but if Santa wants to do a bitch a favor, he can bring me the Hammaconda and Liam Neeson so I can live my dream of jumping double dutch using their dicks as ropes (I have weird fantasies).