If you’re still weeping into a carton of bananas foster-flavored Häagen-Dazs because Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams broke up and shat all over your heart before you could get over the ending of The Notebook, stop that ugly ass crying because there’s hope on the horizon. Radar is reporting Ryan and Eva Mendes are stepping back from their two-year relationship and if Ryan didn’t break it off by changing this scene to say “I want none of you… forever“, then the floor can open up underneath me and suck me down the water slide to hell because I have nothing more to live for.
The 2 Fast 2 Furious actress and The Notebook hunk haven’t officially split, but, “there was a realization before Thanksgiving that they took things way too fast and were rushing toward a marriage that neither of them particularly needed,” a source told Radar.
“They’ve decided to take a break to reevaluate their romance.”
Still, according to the source, Gosling, 33, is the one who is undecided, but “Eva wanted to have his babies.”
Nicholas Sparks could take a cue from this “source” on how to write true romance. It’s not declarations of love in the rain or sappy break ups and make ups. I’ve never heard a line more romantic or full of love than “rushing toward a marriage that neither of them particularly needed“. Poetry! Who needs Tom Hiddleston’s recital of May I Feel Said He when there’s such moving prose about Eva and Ryan’s relationship that boils down to becoming totally complacent and no longer being in charge of your relationship trajectory.
And Eva, Eva, Eva. You gotta up your game! A strong seventy-six percent of the women on the internet have called dibs on Ryan’s baby gravy, so you’re going to have to try a lot harder than that to sink your hooks in. Maybe Rachel can take a second out of her busy schedule of keeping in touch with Ryan to give you some pointers on how to always be a contender.