A Christmas Gift To Us All! Justin Bieber Says He’s Retiring

Justin Bieber went on L.A.’s Power 106 yesterday and announced he was retiring. Well, it wasn’t so much an announcement. He might have been high as crap or somebody woke him up from his nap early- either way, he mumbled, “Uh… I’m actually uh… retiring, man“.

Cue all non-Bielibers screaming, “I WISH A MOTHERFUCKER WOULD!!”

TMZ says someone in Justin’s camp said it was a joke. I won’t name names (Patti) but that denial sounds like it could have come from someone who doesn’t want those paychecks to stop rolling in. The woman who breathed out the dramatic “What??!?!” after his underwhelming announcement was probably her ass, too. If Justin stops working, Patti will have to start parenting her badly behaved toddler again and it’s hard work setting up all those playdates with Lil Twist.

Here’s split second video of Justin’s latest attention ploy. If you’re in the mood to get depressed about the state our society is in, read some of the comments. There are some angry ass children making the most of their hour of iPad time mommy and daddy gave them for eating their vegetables on the internet. It’s no wonder their behavior is so bad, look at their role model- brothel visitor, graffiti painter and monumental fuckstick!