Tila Tequila’s Sex Tape Is Coming Out Just In Time For Christmas

December 16, 2013 / Posted by:

If you’re looking for a thoughtful holiday gift for the the porn collector in your life, TMZ is reporting Tila Tequila kinda sorta answered all our prayers and is taking a break from ranting about Nazis and Zionists to jump on some dick on camera. Unlike her previous girl-on-girl tape, this one is reportedly hardcore. There has been no official statement from Tila saying she’s signed off on it, but since it’s being released, it’s a given.

No specifics details are out regarding her partner, but this could go one of two ways based off her recent rants and former tampon shenanigans. My guess is either Vanilla Gorilla Jesse James if we’re going the Nazi route, or Tiger Woods if we’re talking a porn remake called The Ten Cray-mandments where Tiger parts her Red Seas (I’m so sorry). I’d rather poke my eyes out with the dildo Tila’s licking in that picture since I’m pretty sure both Jesse and Tiger’s O-faces look exactly like the face someone makes when they think their chair is going to tip over backwards. Not hot.

Tila has nearly 2 million Facebook fans must be more divided now than ever. The half that fancies her a regular Jessica Fletcher if Jessica dressed like a three-blocks-off-the-Strip Vegas cocktail waitress and was from Harlot Hollow instead of Cabot Cove just dove into their mother’s basements to fap to conspiracy theory channels on YouTube as foreplay. The the other half picked up bullhorns to scream, “BITCH, YOU DON’T NEED DICK, YOU NEED MEDICATION!” Sigh. If only dick and the attention that comes from stunt queening could cure all that ails.

(Pic: Wenn)

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