Rebel Wilson And Melissa McCarthy Made A Fat Pact

December 16, 2013 / Posted by:

Radar says that Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCarthy, the team leaders of Hollywood’s Team Chunk (copyright: Fresh) division, have made a pact to stay BBWs and to not go the Jennifer Hudson route by skinny-fying themselves. Rebel and Melissa are both lifting their fingers up to Hollywood and they refuse to only eating wet iceberg lettuce at Golden Corral so they can “fit in” with Hollywood by becoming a skinny bitch. Some source says that they love being rubenesque blossoms in a garden of skinny whores and have signed their names in cinnamon roll frosting while promising to not lose the chunk.

“Rebel and Melissa have known each other for five years and there’s a lot of love there. Neither one of them is trying to lose weight and they’ve formed this little support group to keep each other from falling into the skinny Hollywood trap. Obviously, they could both snap their fingers and lose the weight because of the resources they have available to them — which could include everything from personal trainers to Lap Band surgery — but right now they’re agreeing with each other that they have to hold the line and provide a positive image for overweight girls everywhere. There will be plenty of time for dieting years from now, but Rebel and Melissa are determined to stay at their current sizes for now.”

I know, if only they made a pact to make better TV shows. And Kirstie Alley just threw a 2,000-calorie side-eye at “could both snap their fingers and lose the weight,” because she could get her head implanted on a size 0 model’s body and she’d still find her way back to fat again.

Gossip Cop says that this story is made of equal parts shit and lies and that Melissa and Rebel aren’t Fat Pact Sisters. Melissa and Rebel might not have made a fat pact, but I make a fat pact with myself every time I inhale an entire bowl of ice cream soup and peppermint Oreos while staring at the elliptical/coat rack in the corner.

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