Well-marinated piece of grizzle Charlie Sheen is pissed at ex-wife Denise Richards for excluding him in holiday plans with their children, according to TMZ. Denise supposedly told Charlie over the weekend that he is not welcome to go on vacation with her, Sam and Lola but didn’t give him a reason. Charlie hopped into the ninth circle of hell known as Twitter and wrote this message about the situation:
Charlie whining about being treated like crap is meh. He’s off fingering porn stars on vacation instead of spending Thanksgiving with his kids, so there’s more of a shot of me spontaneously growing a dick of my own to hang donuts off of than finding any sympathy for him. What I am impressed with is the fact that he reached into 1998 and the Mike Dexter bag of tricks to pull out that spectacular “DuhNeese” comeback. If he wasn’t so gross and vile and filled with the three c’s (crazy, chlamydia and cuntbag), I might have fallen in love.
NOW imagine fellow hooker lover Vince with SlapChop saying, “Wait, there’s more!!!” because there is and it’s spectacular. Charlie also posted a picture of one of the favors from his wedding to Denise cut into pieces with a rusty knife and the best part is, it’s a meat bat. A bat made out of meat. A FUCKING MEAT BAT.
Everybody bow your heads and thank whatever universe juju you believe in that it wasn’t an actual picture of Charlie’s personal salami, then let’s go back to appreciating the absolute randomness of saying ‘til death or sex and drug addiction do you part before giving your guests souvenir meat.
The rest of Charlie’s Twitter page is entertaining if you’re interested in reading poems I’m 92% certain were written by a possessed, illiterate Mr. Spell. If he’s not busy when his old pal Lindsay Lohan gets around to publishing her
book of lies tell-all, Charlie should offer to write the book’s foreword for her, from one crackie to another. Nothing goes together quite like rampant lies and rambling streams of drug-fueled consciousness!