Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Boots St.Claire (as played by Jami Gertz) from The Facts of Life!

The other day Jezebel posted a funny list of The Facts of Life characters ranked from hottest (Mrs. Garrett, duh) to the absolute worst. As my eyes ran down to the list and didn’t see the name I was looking for the list grew more and more invalid to me and then there it was. The ray of golden sophistication wrapped in demure refinement and topped with a dollop of snobby bitch was dead last! Blair Warner was 37 out of 37! How is it possible for anybody to think that Blair Warner is the absolute worst?! The jealousy of it all! I’m taking this to the Supreme Court!

Severe shading of Blair Warner aside, Blair’s arch rival at Langley College, Boots St. Claire, was #18 on the list! Boots was the queen of a sorority at Langley and made Blair Warner look like the epitome of humble. If a pastel Ralph Lauren cashmere cable knit sweater grew a luscious mane of hair that made every Breck Girl shave her head, its name would be Boots St. Claire. Boots was basically a snobbier version of Muffy from Square Pegs. While watching this clip, I choked on her preppy beauty and the cloud of peach shampoo fumes wafting off of her perfect hair.

After Boots graduated Sigma Cum Biteme from Langley, she moved to DC to pursue her dream of becoming a politician’s wife. It’s there where she met Wall Street broker turned junior congressman Alex P. Keaton and four months after their first date (they went cardigan shopping at Ralph Lauren), they married at her parent’s country club. Six months after their wedding, Boots gave birth to their twins, Buffy and Bartholomew. As her husband climbed up the political ladder, Boots spent her days supervising the nannies, running various bullshit charity events and popping pills and guzzling down martinis while hugging the only thing in life she really loved: her silver hairbrush.

Four years after her husband became Governor of Ohio, stills from a security camera of him making out with his ex-girlfriend Martie Brodie inside of an elevator at a Warner Hotel (cut to Blair Warner’s guilty face) were published in The Enquirer. A shamed Boots stood by her husband which is saying a lot since bitch was so pilled up she could barely stand upright. Governor Keaton eventually left Boots for his side piece and Boots tried to reinvent herself as a self-help author, but her debut book flopped after she was arrested for drunkenly crashing her Cadillac into a Lilly Pulitzer boutique. Boots St. Claire Keaton can soon be seen in the reboot of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab.

SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >