Pimp Mama Kris Might’ve Already Found Lamar Odom’s Replacement

Since the Kardashians have pretty much boned their way through the NBA and NFL, they’re zeroing their pussies in on the MLB now. Khloe Kartrashian filed for divorce from Lamar Odom today, but Radar says that she’s been getting over him for weeks by getting on Matt Kemp (seen above in a picture that looks like an ad for Dulcolax) of the Dodgers. Matt Kemp was RiRi’s on-and-off piece for a minute and now he’s supposedly screaming for animal control every time Khloe bites his neck a little too rough during fuck times.

Radar says that Matt Kemp has been a Kardashian family friend for a while and recently he and Khlozilla have been spending a lot of time together. Matt was at Pimp Mama Kris’ Satanic den of whores last night and for the past few weeks he and Khloe have been seen at several concerts together.

This is probably all made up and another one of Pimp Mama Kris’ schemes to make Lamar think that Khloe is sucking the life out of a new one. But if it is true, then Matt Kemp’s entire family needs to get their crucifixes, pitchfork and torches and go to Pimp Mama Kris’ lair to save him! Because if they don’t, it won’t be long before he deals with the pain of being in the Kartrashian family by eating his emotions with a large tub of horsey sauce (see: Rob) or by blowing crack smoke into a hooker’s snatch (see: Lamar) or by fucking up his entire face (see: Bruce). Scott Disick’s fine because he had no soul to begin.

And a “source” tells E! News that Lamar feels sad inside about Khlozille divorcing his ass:

“He’s deeply saddened by Khloé filing for divorce. He knew it was coming and it was only a matter of time. He felt like he gave his all to try and save the marriage, but ultimately he wasn’t able to. There will always be a place in his heart for Khloé. He will always love her and her family. She has decided and there is nothing more he can do. He has to accept that.”

It’s funny how the “source” got all of that out of Lamar’s real statement which was probably, “YES! YES! YES! I’M FINALLY FREE OF PIMP MAMA KRIS!“