The Rocknroll Baby Is Here

December 10, 2013 / Posted by:

Kate Winslet’s rep tells People that in a hospital in Sussex County, UK on Saturday, her third baby and her first with husband Ned Rocknroll was pulled out of her body. Kate’s rep told The Daily Mail that she had a boy and he weighed in at around 9 pounds. Kate’s rep called him “Baby Boy Winslet.” I hope that his official government name is Baby Boy, but I think her rep was just trying to let us know her son is not going to have his daddy’s jacked-up last name. I don’t know if her baby is going to let out a huge sigh of relief or let out a huge sigh of disappointment, because if anybody’s going to think that the last name Rocknroll is hot, it’s going to be a baby.

Baby Boy Winslet is Kate and Ned’s first kid together and she has a 13-year-old daughter named Mia with her first husband Jim Threapleton and a 10-year-old son named Joe with her second husband Sam Mendes. I scanned the comments at People and UsWeekly thinking that I’d see some comments saying that it’s a good thing she didn’t have a girl or Leonardo DiCaprio would date that girl in 18 years. Instead, I saw a handful of comments that basically said that Kate should board the S.O.S Slut Ho (aka the official cruise line of Dlisted), walk her hussy ass to the front and hold her arms out while screaming, “I’m the Queen of the Whores!” Kate Winslet is an embarrassment to all for having three kids with three different husbands! And then I read a couple of articles from June calling Kate Winslet a tramp stain on morality.

Damn. First of all, the fuck is morality anymore? Second of all, I’m sure Kate Winslet didn’t plan to have three kids by three different husbands. Or maybe she did, maybe she just wants a variety pack. I don’t know. But it’s not like Kate Winslet’s a teenage mother of 3 who’s on welfare and is on Maury’s stage screaming “You don’t know my life like that!” at the audience while waiting to find out which one of her 8 boyfriends is the biological father of her youngest. It’s Kate Winslet. I’m sure her kids will be more than fine. (Cut to The Daily Mail 2031: Kate Winslet’s Kid Burns Down Every Chapel In The County While Declaring That Marriage Is A Sham Because His Mom Has Been Married 8 Times!)

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