On last night’s episode of The Real Plastic Trash of Beverly Hills, they all went to Palm Springs together and sadly the desert sun didn’t melt all the silicone in their bodies and turn them into a giant puddle of fillers, polyester weave tracks, fake eyelashes, lead-based paint and desperation. The desert sun did us all wrong by not melting all of them while it had the chance! While they were all lounging around the pool, the STAR of Siberia and two-time Miss Puerto Rico, Joyce Giraud, refused to get into the pool even after Brandi Glanville kept begging her to. Finally, Joyce admitted that she can’t swim, which made drunk ass Brandi say, “You’re a black person.” That would’ve been the perfect time for the sun to turn up the heat and melt all those hos, but it didn’t….
After Brandi called Joyce a black person for not being able to swim, Kyle’s face went HUH?, Lisa Vanderpump asked a bitch to clarify, Joyce got mad and Kim Richards was oblivious to all of it, because her mind was busy squeezing grapefruits in a grapefruit tree orchard. The skanky humanized Carlo Rossi jug went on to say that none of her black friends can swim and they don’t like to get their weaves wet. Brandi said this while a tragic fall of man-made hair clung to the back of her head. Bitch always has the most busted weave situation. Bitch’s weave looks like it was made from the wet piles of shed Barbie hair found in Brit Brit’s shower drain.
During the episode, Brandi got a whole lot of hate tweets thrown at her melting rubber face, so she called into WWHL to burp out a non-apology and say that it was just a joke! I don’t know how “you’re a black person” is a punchline, but in Brandi’s dilapidated coke sponge of a mind it is. Brandi shit this out to Andy Cohen:
“I know what I said was definitely inappropriate, but I say a lot of inappropriate things. I’m not racist, I’m just inappropriate 90 percent of the time! It definitely was not sensitive and I apologize to anyone I offended. But to be honest with you, my friends and I joke with each other this way and they’re from all different backgrounds. So I’m sorry and I guess TV’s not ready for the real Brandi, but should I censor myself? Is that gonna be exciting?
I think it was definitely inappropriate. I’m the least racist person of all time. I think the more you defend it, the more you look guilty, so I don’t really have to say that much more. I am very sorry with whomever I defended. Defended. Offended!”
I’m kind of surprised Brandi didn’t say, “I am not a racist. I once sucked off a black guy in a bathroom stall at Bootsy Bellows.”
And everyone CALL OFF THE SEARCH! The least racist person of all time has been found! Guinness Book of World Records, get that bitch a plaque. I’m sure that sometime in the future the GOP will tweet: Today we remember Brandi Glanville’s bold stand and her role in ending racism.
Brandi was a boozed up wreck during most of the episode and kept calling Joyce “Jacqueline,” because to her Joyce isn’t a Latina name and Joyce doesn’t look like a Joyce since most Joyces are fat pigs. If you burn your brain cells by watching both RHoBH and RHoA, then Brandi’s rant against the name Joyce probably made you think of the crazed ball of post-menopausal anger that is Mama Joyce from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Bravo should skip the RHoBH and RHoA reunions this season and just put Brandi Glanville and Mama Joyce in a room together. Take off your wedges and take it away, Mama Joyce!
Bravo can even turn it into a pay-per-view special. I better start making room on my maxed out credit card for this.
(GIF via Tumblr)