R. Kelly Must Be On The Same Stuff That Kanye’s On

December 9, 2013 / Posted by:

Throughout the weekend, an article from the satire site The Daily Currant where Kanye West claimed that he was the next Nelson Mandela made the rounds and everybody took it as real, because it’s not far off from some of the ridiculousness that has spewed out of his mouth. Well, the shit that R. Kelly said to The Guardian’s G2 supplement (via The Independent), which is not a satire site, I think, is almost as messy as the fake quote about Nelson Mandela that didn’t come out of Kanye’s mouth.

R. Kelly said that he sympathizes with Chris Brown, because they both did some wrong shit and climbed back up. Okay. R. Kelly probably should’ve stopped there and he only would’ve gotten a few side-eyes. But he kept going and just had to compare The Difficult Brown to Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus. R. Kelly speaks in third person so you already know this is going to be extra fucked up and after reading it you’ll know what it feels like for him to piss on your eyeballs after eating a whole lot of asparagus.

“I only feel sorry for weak people. And mostly what I’ve come to find is that the weak people are the ones that are the haters. The ones that’s talking about Chris Brown, or R. Kelly, or anybody that’s successful? I feel sorry for them, not Chris Brown, because he’s obviously one strong individual to be able to do what he’s done. He got knocked down a little bit and he climbed up. You know, that sounds like Ali to me. That sounds like Martin Luther King to me. That sounds like a lot of the greats that have walked this earth. It even sounds a little bit like Jesus to me.”

Jesus is probably on Kayak booking his second coming right now and Martin Luther King’s coming with his ass so they can both slap this bitch down for talking crazy.

I don’t remember The Difficult Brown ever getting knocked down..  He knocked a few people down, beat in his girlfriend’s face, smashed a few windows and slapped some others around. I guess that’s practically the same thing as getting knocked down a little bit, right, R. Kelly? And Martin Luther King Jr. fought against intolerance and Chris Brown fought his girlfriend until she ended up in the hospital. Practically twinsies!

On a positive note, whenever R. Kelly is in an interview spewing out some dumb shit, it means at that moment he’s not spewing piss on some underage ass cheeks. There’s always a bright side.

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