A Death Eaters Wedding Might Be Upon Us

December 9, 2013 / Posted by:

…it was nice of the French Big Bad Wolf to show that Blind Mouse some affection before eating it.

Page Six says that the daughter of the Death Eaters, Mary-Kate Olsen, might be somebody’s wife soon, because she was seen trolling for huge diamond engagement rings at Neil Lane in Los Angeles recently. 27-year-old MKO and her 44-year-old French piece, Olivier Sarkozy, have been creeping bitches out with their love for about a year now and they are ready to join dark forces. Some source says that for the past three weeks, MKO has slithered into Neil Lane by herself to look at hitchin’ rings and she knows exactly what she wants:

“Mary-Kate has been seen several times in the last three weeks checking out huge engagement rings at the Neil Lane store. She really likes cushion-cut diamonds, and all of the rings she has looked at are over 5 carats. She has narrowed it down, but still hasn’t made a final decision.”

The source went on to say that several Neil Lane salespeople had to check into the nearest mental hospital, because every time MKO stood on five yellow pages in front of the glass counter and ran her claw along all the rings while cooing, “my precious….” to herself, a chill froze their souls and they were never the same again.

This story doesn’t make any sense. Why would MKO go shopping for her own ring and why would she go to Neil Lane? Olivier Sarkozy obviously knows MKO well enough to know that her dream engagement ring has a band made of the bones of babies and a hallowed out stone that holds the souls of virgin Muggles. She’s old-fashioned like that. MKO wasn’t at Neil Lane to buy her own ring. MKO was at Neil Lane to buy a beautiful diamond ring that she’ll use to lure the virgin princess into her cave so she can suck the youth out of that trick and stay looking like a 12-year-old. That’s it!

Pic: Getty

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