I Think She Just Answered My Question About How Well ‘Artpop’ Is Doing

December 6, 2013 / Posted by:

First she came for Madonna,
and I didn’t speak out because I’m not Madonna.

Then she came for Boy George,
and I didn’t speak out because I’m not Boy George.

Then she came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

– Max Headroom, 2014 (ooooh, poem from the future! So spooky!)

Lady Gaga stepped out of a London hotel yesterday looking like (deep breath) a Culture Club fever-dream took a dump on an abandoned Limited Too store after ripping through every season of VH1’s I Love The 80s in the back of a MAC break room that has yet to have its gas leak fixed. What? Exactly. As long as she chooses to leave the house looking like an incoherent mess, then I’ll keep writing like an incoherent mess. It’s called tough love.

So here’s the breakdown: Gaga is wearing Hailee Steinfeld’s hat from True Grit, a shirt with a bunch of Picasso faces saying “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?”, and makeup that looks like when you’re a kid and you beg your sister or brother to let you do their makeup, and you try really hard for the first 5 minutes, but then you think “Why the fuck haven’t I given them Misfits blush and a hitler moustache?” Also I think I see a penis (on the shirt, guys, on the shirt. But yes, Gaga does look like a fucking dickhead). 

And Janine Melnitz from Ghostbusters, Mac Tonight, Snorks, and the cartoon mechanics from A-ha’s Take On Me video need to call up Erin Brockovitch and prep a class action lawsuit against Lady Gaga, because it’s only a matter of time before this stunt queen runs out of real people to steal from and starts ripping off non-reals. We’re closer than you think to a music video where she runs through a fucking animated newspaper comic strip in circle glasses and a giant moon-mask with a tube coming out of her head. Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the 80s?!?

(Pics via Splash)

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