Miley Wants A Boyfriend And A Million Dicks Want To Invert Themselves

December 5, 2013 / Posted by:

I never thought the day would come when Miley Cyrus’s Twitter feed would school my ass on romance. Here I thought it was all about flowers and jewelry and long walks on the beach where I spend the entire time bitching about the wind and how shitty my hair looks and begging to go back to my natural habitat (anywhere inside). It looks I’ve spent the last 14 years whining about the wrong shit and missed the memo announcing true love has taken flight in the form of the most beauteous fashion statement of all time- the Canadian tuxedo!

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Love for denim on denim must run through Miley’s veins. Billy Ray was saucing the panties back in his mullet days with some bulge, a little bit of titty fur and a lot of jean. Now we know how Daddy Cyrus ended up with so many kids (the answer to the mystery of who foaled Trace may lie in this picture here).

Even though Miley’s tweet could easily replace The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate as the go-to resource for how to have a successful relationship, it might just be her way of letting Liam Hemsworth know what he has to do to get back in her good graces. USWeekly says the two have been “flirty” texting (Miley: Ooh, baby, I wanna ride your wrecking balls- GROSS!) and that Liam wants to reconcile. If he had any sense, he wouldn’t be too quick to race back to a life where he’ll spend the rest of his days dressed like a bunkassed redneck wedding cake topper.

(Pics: Twitter, Splash)

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