Elsa Pataky’s Lips Stood In For Natalie Portman’s Lips For The Thor 2 Kissing Scene

I didn’t see Thor 2, because I figured that if there were any shots of Chris Hemsworth’s muscled nipples and/or Loki licking his lips they’d end up in GIF form on Tumblr. I’d much rather fap with popcorn butter at home rather than do it in a theater and risk getting dragged out by security after some judgmental prudes complain. But anyway, at the very, very end (SPOILER ALERT, which doesn’t really mean anything since if this is a spoiler I already spoiled it in the title) of Thor 2, Natalie Portman’s character kisses on Thor. Natalie tells the NYDN that it wasn’t her lips in that scene. The scene was shot during reshoots and Natalie was busy doing another movie so she couldn’t do it. They should’ve asked Tom Hiddleston to fill in since his lips are softer than a baby cashmere goat’s taint, but they got Chris Hemsworth’s real-life wife Elsa Pataky to do it instead. Natalie said:

“It was for reshoots (after the film was finished) and he was working in Hong Kong and I couldn’t get there because I was working on my own film. And so they put his wife in my wig and costume, that’s why it was so passionate. It was such a perfect solution, wasn’t it?”

Oh please, we all know the real reason why Natalie Portman wouldn’t do that kissing scene. Chris Hemsworth had to eat a small family of cows twice a day to stay that huge, so vegan Natalie refused to touch his nasty mouth. Or worse, Chris Hemsworth just ate a cake made with eggs and milk and we all know that Natalie Portman is a vicious, vicious cake hater.

As I said before, I didn’t see that scene, but I’m sure it wasn’t that passionate. If they were going for passionate, then they should’ve gotten Tacky Pataky to fill in for Natalie and asked Adrien Brody to put on a muscle suit and Beth Chapman wig to fill in as Thor. Because “passion” was re-defined when Adrien Brody and Tacky Pataky were together. Gag on this fairy tale passion:

Or just gag.