Right after Taylor Swift almost made Britain declare war on our asses by desecrating the Union Jack at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show in NYC, VS model Jessica Hart squirted out a thin stream of shade through her teef gap at the after-party. When WWD asked Jessica Hart if Taylor Swift could make it as a bra and panties model, she turned the apple picking set against her when she said this about their queen:
“No… God bless her heart. I think she’s great… But I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit.”
After Jessica Hart realized that Taylor will probably get revenge on her by fucking her man (Side note: Gappy bitch is dating NACHOS!) before writing a hit song called “You’ve Got A Gap In Your Hart,” she did the damage control shuffle a week later by saying this to UsWeekly:
“I adore Taylor Swift and I was so excited to be with her at the Victoria Secret Fashion Show… She is a true rock star and she absolutely killed it the other night.”
But Jessica Hart’s shameless lies to keep getting booked by VS didn’t work. Page Six says that VS executives are obviously a bunch of Swifty fans who get together every Saturday night to make strawberry snow cones on their Snoopy Sno Cone machine while singing karaoke to Taylor Swift songs, because they have decided to never use Jessica Hart again. Jessica Hart won’t walk in anymore VS shows and they’ll never book her for catalogs or ads again. Swifty strikes again and that eery cold wind that just blew between Jessica’s gap is from Taylor cackling over this while having tea with the yarn animals she knitted.
Victoria’s Secret is crazy, though. How are they going to replace Jessica Hart?! Where are they going to find another skinny ass blonde model who’s about as bland as tap water gravy on top of a pile of hospital mashed potatoes? Oh yeah, they can always borrow one from Leonardo DiCaprio’s stash. He can lend them one or two.
UPDATE: The president of VS tells E! that Jessica Hart didn’t get dropped and they plan to work with her in the future.