50 Shades Is Getting The DP Treatment

December 2, 2013 / Posted by:

50 Shades of Grey fans will need to dig out their supply of pantyliners left over from their Magic Mike viewing days to sop up the glaze from their sticky biscuits because The Daily Mail is reporting the film’s producers will be releasing two versions of the film , one of which will be NC-17.

What we’re kind of hearing from the fans is they want it dirty… they want it as close as possible [to the book],‘ said producer Dana Brunetti, who has been listening to the demands of the book’s female followers on Twitter.

We do not want this film to be seen as mommy porn – we want to keep it elevated but also give the fans what they want,‘ Brunetti told review site Collider.com.

Horny bitches from the Internet have spoken and they are ruthless! It’s not enough to drag your man to a movie where he’ll be hiding a hate boner the entire time and just wants to get laid at the end of the night. You have to elevate the embarrassment factor to put it right up there with running into his boss while leaving the adult movie store with a copy of How Stella Got Her Tube Packed.

I didn’t read the books, only a few excerpts, and I would be more interested in seeing an off-off-off Broadway production of the exploits of Reginald’s quivering member over a laundromat than 50 Shades of Shit. Since I’m their target demographic, I’ll just turn in my jeans with the 14″ zipper and my minivan to go sit in the corner with Charlie Hunnam while Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson bring to life such scintillating storytelling as “My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” It’s probably pretty safe to say a Christian Grey-flavored popsicle tastes a lot like “I’ve never had a dick in my mouth“.

Here are some pics of Jamie and Dakota on set filming a scene that looks boring as hell for something that’s supposed to get an NC-17 rating. Apparently the horny mom crowd didn’t petition hard enough for this to turn into a scene where Christian teabags Ana at an outdoor cafe.

(Pics: FameFlynet)


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