Nothing Says “Merry Christmas” Like A Sharpie Peen On Miley Cyrus’ Crotch

Because we really need a trailer for absolutely everything, Love Magazine squirted out a trailer for their holiday issue with Miley Cyrus on the cover. Soon, we’ll have trailers for our bowel movements. Actually, we already do. It’s called Bound 2.

If Kris Kringle from Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town destroyed most of his brain by snorting too many bath salts and became an anti-Christmas activist who ruined the holidays for children by flashing his Sharpie dick at them, he would look exactly like Miley in this mess of a trailer. Miley looks like the even dumber love child of Jim Carrey’s Dumb and Dumber character. If you really don’t want to make your Saturday hangover even worse by pressing play on that video, I’ve put the NSFW-ish (I think) still of Miley’s Sharpie dick after the cut. Bitch’s bony crotch looks like it was used as the drawing board for a game of Pricktionary at the Scientology Celebrity Centre. 

That’s supposed to shock us. That’s the saddest dick doodle I’ve ever seen. Where’s the dick veins? Where’s the peen bush? Where’s the nutsack wrinkles? Where’s the drop of pre-cum dripping out of the peen slit? Where’s the peen slit?! Any dick drawing without a dick slit gets an automatic F. But really, it makes me sad to look at a big dick on a crotch and say, “No, I would not hit it.” Okay, okay, maybe I’d lick the tip real quick, but I’d hate myself afterward.