If you ever find yourself in the middle of a Walmart on Thanksgiving night, just crawl under one of the clothes racks and hold your breath (THEY CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING!) while silently weeping, because you’ve probably died and gone to the darkest place in Hell.
It’s Black Friday, which means it’s that special time of year again when you sip on a turkey-tini (blended up leftover turkey and vodka) while watching American civilization gnaw on itself from the inside/out over a 20% off no-brand flatscreen TV at Walmart. (Of if you’re one of those Black Friday warriors, then it’s that time of year when you dodge bullets and tase whores in the neck while trying to get to a 10% off blender.) THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT! The fuckery above was shot at a Walmart in Elkin, NC by New York filmmaker Brian Spain who was kicked out shortly after, because Walmart doesn’t want you to see this mess.
That shit is a tragic, disgusting, ridiculous mess and God should just pull the plug on humanity NOW, but I did watch this video and think to myself, “Hmmm, I wonder if that SpongeBob onesie comes in my size?”
And after the jump are two more scenes for you to laugh, cry and roll your eyes at. Side note: I think one of these scenes features my cousins.
Here’s the cops trying to control a mob of messes losing their minds over some stupid ass TVs. The perfect portrait of modern America is that crazy lady (who may or may not be my cousin) holding onto her TV while the cops arrest her ass. Those people hovering around her aren’t checking to see if she’s okay. They’re waiting for her to get off of that TV so they can snatch it from her. That truly is the meaning of Thanksgiving. This video is the fireplace that warms my heart.
And Puerto Rico isn’t going to let us mainlanders bring all the stupid foolery on Thanksgiving night. They got into the ridiculousness too.
I swear, the wild animals of the world probably gather together, pop the popcorn and watch all these videos while laughing at us behave like piece of trash fools. This is their Planet Earth.