A story about Human Grumpy Cat (aka Morrissey) is very fitting, since Thanksgiving is THE holiday dinner where a stoned cousin pulls you aside and tells you his college crazy Top 10 (“I bet you don’t know what the US Government is putting in Tylenol…”). In the event you don’t have a cousin Dave (“I go by Ras Dav now“) you can pretend that Morrissey is your cousin and Thanksgiving dinner is the first you’ve seen of him since he left for college and became a vegan/culture jammer/shrooms expert. So what would cousin Morrissey have to say about Thanksgiving dinner this year? Well, according to his blog True To You, first he’d give it a punny name:
Please ignore the abysmal example set by President Obama who, in the name of Thanksgiving, supports torture as 45 million birds are horrifically abused; dragged through electrified stun baths, and then have their throats slit. And President Obama laughs. Haha, so funny!
As Ingrid Newkirk from PETA points out, turkey ‘meat’ is one of “our nation’s top killers”, causing heart-attacks and strokes in humans due to saturated animal fats and cholesterol. And President Obama laughs.
Further, the meat industry is responsible for 51% of human-caused greenhouse-gas emission, therefore the embarrassingly stupid White House ‘turkey pardon’ is open support for a viciously cruel and environmentally irresponsible industry.
And President Obama laughs.
Someone needs to start a Tumblr called “Morrisey or Debbie Downer“, where you post quotes from both and try to guess who said it. I can guarantee you it would be a more difficult game than Drunk Jeopardy (and Drunk Jeopardy is next-level, trust. Especially when you’re playing it by yourself).
But the real question is…what did Morrissey do before he could passionately queef out his crazy cuntisms on an internet blog? Did he publish some kind of photocopied newsletter? And if so, will they one day be collected into a book titled “Morrissey’s Bitchiest Brain Farts 1988-1997” (I would buy that book AND wait in a 2-hour line for him to sign it).
(Pic via Splash)