Hopefully, your hangover is waning thanks to the expired prescription meds you found in your grandma’s medicine cabinet and the memory of your drunk uncle telling the story about getting crabs off a German hooker during the war is fading so you can focus on conjuring a fuck to give about what the Jentrashians had for dinner last night. Kris posted a pic of their menu on Instagram, which screams “catered” or “Pinterest“, depending on which side of the “that doesn’t look like you tried too hard at all” spectrum one is on financially. Major side-eye to the line about famous lemon cake- you know the last thing Kris did in the kitchen was toss Bruce’s nuts on a cutting board with instructions for the chef to chop and candy them to mix in with the stuffing.
Like all families, they probably sat around the table and lied their asses off about what they are thankful for. If they had been honest, it would have started with Kris thanking Ray J. for downing that Double Big Gulp before turning the video camera on, the Jenner girls being grateful for their Daddy’s money, Kourtney thanking anybody who would listen that Scott likes to hit it from the back so she doesn’t have to look at his budding serial killer face and ended with Khloe borrowing a line from Ever After as she scowls at her mother and says, “I’m only here for the food“.
Just in case you needed a little help for some last-minute heaves, here are some pics of Kim’s asses (her cornucopia of implants and fat grafts, as well as Kanye) in Miami yesterday, and Kim living up to her title of the Most Beautiful Woman of All Time if ratty, unbrushed hair and a face that looks like it would melt near an open flame are the new beauty standards to which we’re all being held.