Us Weekly Tells Us What We Already Know: Kris Jenner Is Humping On Bachelor Ben

November 27, 2013 / Posted by:

“Do we have a picture where it looks like Ben is staring at Kris’s silly putty nose and second guessing his choices? We do? Great!”

I knew they’d catch up eventually; better late than never, right? WRONG! When it comes to Kris Jenner, never is better. It’s no secret that Kris Jenner has been making all of Former Bachelor Ben Flajnik’s kream dreams come true for a while now (oh my GOD the amount of bile that rose in my throat), but instead of letting sleeping dogs lie, Us Weekly decided to confirm their gross hook-up with a cover story:

“They started hanging out. It got romantic right away,” an insider tells Us of when they first met. “They’ve been hooking up.”

Flajnik has since denied the two are dating. “Here we go again. Hey @usweekly maybe put a call into me once and a while for some fact checking. Sincerely, #TheTruth,” he tweeted Tuesday, Nov. 26. In fact, Us did reach out to Flajnik via email on Friday, Nov. 22; he replied, “Oh, jeez, ha. I’m over this.”

“Over this”: The phrase most often uttered after reading an article about Kris Jenner. But you know who else is ‘over it‘? That’s right, Brucie J!!! According to Radar, Bruce couldn’t give a sock (a Rob Kardashian sock) about what kris does with her fuck-parts now:

“Kris is enjoying all of the attention,” dished our insider, noting, “Bruce could absolutely care less about it! Bruce is saying that Kris is now someone else’s problem Bruce has never been happier living alone in Malibu,” the insider added.

Kris? A problem? NEVER! I’m actually really happy for Bruce; he probably wakes up every morning singing Shania Twain into his hair brush (obviously Man! I Feel Like a Woman) while deleting all the drunken voicemail messages Kris left for him the night before (“Bruce? Bruuuuuce? Pick up, Bruce. I haven’t been mentioned on TMZ in days. Will you stage an Instagram photo with me tomorrow?“)

Is Kris ticking off all the boxes on her Shameless Bitch checklist or what? Drunk dancing at Kanye’s concert? Check. Dating a reality has-been 27 years younger than her? Check. I swear to god, if the next thing on that list is leaking a Kris Jenner/Ben Flajnik sex tape, I’m done. I’m throwing out my laptop and moving to a remote village in Alaska.

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