In this news story from KJRH in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a fapper catcher named Beth Davis asks a very important question: “Who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decides they’re going to go to Walmart, take off all their clothes and masturbate in the women’s bathroom?”
Every single person in Florida just raised their hand.
Beth Davis was just doing a little morning shopping at her local Walmart last Wednesday when she walked into the women’s bathroom and caught a 37-year-old dude giving himself a yellow happy face by jacking off in front of the mirror. Like a scene out of a John Waters movie, Beth ran out of the bathroom screaming, “There’s a naked man in the bathroom masturbating!” None of the employees really cared, because let’s be honest, it’s weird when a naked man isn’t masturbating in the bathroom. Since nobody was helping her, she put on her invisible Captain Fap Shamer hat, pulled out her phone and recorded him as she ran after him while screaming, “You were masturbating in the women’s restroom. My name is Beth Davis and I witnessed it!”
The fapper ran into the parking lot and drove away, but another customer got his license plate number and gave it to the police. He was later arrested at his house.
That sick fuck. What kind of nasty, depraved, disgusting sick motherfucker does himself in a Walmart bathroom? Anybody with standards, self-respect and good taste only fucks themselves in a Target bathroom. Seriously, aim higher, bitch!
But seriously, you know that story about the lying lesbian waitress who bamboozled the entire country when she said she got a shitty note and no tip from some anti-gay customers? That story makes me suspicious of all stories now. So I’m going to need receipts, Beth Davis. Do you have video of the fapper in action? If not, about how long was his peen? How thick? Like a burrito or less? Was he a pre-cummer? Excuse me while I get naked and go to a Walmart bathroom. I’ll read your answers from there, Beth Davis!