#GETMONEYBITCH! Skeletor’s First Ex-Wife Wants $113K A Month In Chid Support

November 26, 2013 / Posted by:

While Skeletor snacks on deep fried unicorn balls as he lounges in his luxurious lair in Snake Mountain, his first ex-wife and their children are living like poors (read: normal people) in a total dump (read: probably a totally normal apartment) in the Valley! Marc Anthony’s ex-wife, former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, is ONLY getting a measly $13,000 a month in child support to take care of their two sons and now she’s asking for more numbers to be added to her monthly check. Dayanara (or “Dayarrhea” as Skeletor’s business manager is probably calling her) wants $113,000 a month.

TMZ says that Dayanara filed court documents claiming that while they were going through their divorce, Skeletor played the broke card and acted like he was having money problems so he wouldn’t have to pay her that much in child support. The week his divorce from Dayanara was finalized, he bought JLo a $4 million engagement ring. Dayanara claims that $113,000 isn’t shit to Skeletor, because he makes at least $1.25 million a month and pays multi-millionaire JLo a lot in child support.

Dayanara also claims that her sons spend more time with their Marc Anthony action figure than they do with him. Sometimes months go by without them seeing their dad. Dayanara really laid the dramatics on thick when she wrote in the documents that Skeletor does buy his sons a bunch of toys for Christmas, but their apartment is so small and some of the toys are so big that they can’t play with them.

One of the boys is special needs and that’s another reason why she wants a bigger check every month.

I don’t have any human children, so I have no idea, but it seems like $156,000 a year is more than enough to raise two kids. I know it was a million years ago, but my mom raised two kids by herself with a lot less cash than that. But in Dayanara’s defense, she lives in L.A. and you can easily blow your monthly child support check on one visit to Whole Foods.

Is Dayanara ridiculous for asking for an almost 1000% raise? Yes. By “child support” does Dayanara really mean “MEandmychildren support?” Probably yes, but I will always support a #getmoneybitch kind of a ho. Besides, Skeletor can afford it since his expenses are really low. Skeletor doesn’t buy food because he gets all his nourishment from sucking the pristine breath out of virgins and all those fancy jewels he wears he stole from the vault in Castle Grayskull.

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