Well I Guess This Is One Way Of Commemorating The 50th Anniversary Of JFK’s Assassination

On last night’s AMAs, Lady CaCa and R.Kelly commemorated the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy by murdering him again with a fucked-up performance of “Do What U Want” which made my brain piss out of a stream of lukewarm question marks. It was a bizarre mess from start to finish. It started out with Lady CaCa as a secretary and ended with her belting against her haters as headlines with shit like “LADY GAGA IS FAT” flashed on the screen behind her. Somewhere in between all of that she did the worst Marilyn Monroe impersonation, dry sexed R. Kelly on the president’s desk and then sang while a video of her as a GaGaling played behind her.

ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE NOT LIKE THE OTHER. Nothing made sense. What does an underage girl tinkling on a piano have to do with R. Kelly?! (I just answered my own question.) But really, what does Marilyn Monroe have to do with a young GaGa playing the piano and what does the “CACA IS OVAH” headlines have to do with JFK? The play I wrote in the 3rd grade about a time traveling ladybug who’s really into Jody Watley made more sense than this shit. Ah, but such is CaCa’s art. It only makes sense to her mind after she’s snorted all the coke and overdosed on her own brilliance.

And the only thing that would’ve saved this performance is if they mashed “Do What U Want” with “I Wanna Piss On You.”