Abuelitas everywhere protected their eyes with a black lace veil when it was announced that JLo was going to sing and dance in a tribute to Celia Cruz on the American Music Awards. JLo went through with it last night and yes, my tia did a better tribute to Celia Cruz when she danced barefoot to Yo Vivire on a concrete patio during a backyard wedding reception, but JLo wasn’t that awful. It really hurts the edges of my soul to type “JLo” and “wasn’t that awful” in the same sentence.
Comparing JLo’s voice to Celia Cruz’s voice is like comparing the clarity quality of a grade FL diamond to a crotch pimple with an ingrown pube in it. But JLo didn’t sound that awful (there I go again use those words in the same sentence again, what is happening to me???) and that’s because she either lip-synched or sang with a track. Because if JLo did sing live, every Humane Law Enforcement agent from the ASPCA would’ve rushed that stage thinking that a debarked dog was getting beat with a bag of squirrels.
JLo’s performance didn’t have any “Azúcaaaa!!!!” and it barely had a teaspoon of Sweet’N Low in it, but there were costume changes, flips, rainbow ruffles and sparkles. It was probably one of the best performances last night (although, that really isn’t saying shit).