Beyonce Has Been Banned From The Pyramids

November 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Conspiracy theorists will be very busy today (“I need more coffee! But not Folgers; I heard they had insider information on 9/11“), because Beyonce’s recent trip to the Illuminati Motherland in Egypt didn’t go quite as well as she wanted (“wanted”. Ha! Beyoncé demands). Surely that means something! At what angle did she stand against the Sphynx? How soon after she exited her SUV did she make a triangle with her hand? Did she sacrifice a camel to the New World Order?

These are the questions we’ll never get answers to, because Beyonce’s trip to the Pyramids didn’t last long enough for her to buy a BLUEIVY keychain from the gift shop. According to The Daily News, Beyonce is banned from the Pyramids because she kept her tour guide waiting:

The singer was stopped from seeing the Pyramids because she kept renowned archaeologist Zahi Hawass waiting and refused to apologize, he has revealed.

“Most people I take on tours are very nice and we become friends. But this lady…,” Hawass, the former Egyptian Minister of State for Antiquities, told The Independent newspaper.

“She said she would come at 3 p.m. but she came late. I said ‘You have to say I’m sorry I’m late’. But she didn’t open her mouth.

“I brought a photographer and she also had a photographer and a guard. When my photographer started to shoot, he said ‘No, Stop! I am the one who says yes or no, not you.’ I said ‘In that case since you almost hit my photographer and you are not polite — out! I am not giving you the privilege of having you on my tour.’ I said Beyoncé was stupid and I left.”

I said Beyoncé was stupid and I left.


Pissing off Beyoncé is as dangerous as pissing off Scientology (she’s practically a religion, at least in her mind). Beyoncé served eviction papers to LaTavia Roberson just because she called the good tube-top at the Say My Name video shoot, so what do you think she’ll do to you, Zahi Hawass? Fuck the basement (Solange says hi!), your wife better start making funeral arrangements, because calling Beyoncé stupid has earned you a one-way ticket to Destiny’s Dumpster.

(Pic via Instagram)

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