I saw the headline “I Held Michael’s Penis Every Night” this morning and hoped that I had woken up in the future and that quote came from Anderson Cooper’s mouth during an interview about our love. But nope. Waking up to a headline like that and realizing that it’s about Dr. Conrad Murray and Michael Jackson is the universe’s way of telling you to get under the covers, crawl to the bottom of your bed and stay there forever. Or just do what that Jackson fanboy is doing: guzzle on something mind-numbing until the images aren’t burning your brain anymore. Just start guzzling now and keep your eyes up.
Dr. Conrad Murray, the crooked ass doctor who ended up at the top of Detective La Toya’s most wanted list when he gave Michael Jackson that fatal injection of Propofol, is out of prison after serving four years for killing MJ and he’s back out on the ho stroll, selling his story to anyone who will write him a check. Dr. Con talked to The Mail on Sunday about Michael Jackson and the interview is a rambling mess from start to finish. Dr. Con is still screaming “I’m innocent!” and says that Michael Jackson is the one who sent himself moonwalking to heaven by giving himself a massive injection of Propofol from his own stash. Dr. Con says that he misses Michael Jackson so much and the two were so close that his hand visited MJ’s peen daily. Before you shout, “Whore, please, you were 50 years too old to be MJ’s type,” Dr. Con says that he only touched MJ’s peen to put on a condom catheter:
“He wore dark trousers all the time because after he went to the toilet he would drip for hours. You want to know how close Michael and I were? I held his penis every night. I had to put a condom catheter on him because Michael dripped urine. He had a loss of sensation and was incontinent. Michael didn’t know how to put a condom on, so I had to do it for him.”
This is some “lost my medical license and don’t give a fuck about it” shit. Two thing: I never think anything is too much information, but this is too much information and I’m only sharing it with you, because if I have to suffer, so do you! Also, it’s ridiculous that Dr. Con’s NOT RIGHT ass thinks that slipping a condom catheter on MJ’s peen every night means that they were best friends forever. I guess this means that I should expect a friendship bracelet from the free clinic doctor the next time he sticks a finger up my ass.
And when Dr. Con wasn’t putting a condom on MJ or filling his veins up with sleepy time drugs, he was looking at naked chick magazines with him. Dr. Con queefed this out when he was asked if MJ was gay:
“I can’t tell you everything. What I will say is that he and I would look at girly magazines. He liked skinny brunettes. He told me his whole life gay men had tried it on with him. He was uncomfortable with a lot of it. He said it was part of being in showbusiness. I don’t think he was homophobic but I know he’d had some terrible experiences. He told me he felt safe being around me. He knew I wouldn’t try anything.”
Well, now your brain is filled with that information. But I’m sure that sometime tomorrow morning Dr. Con will take all of this back after he wakes up in the middle of the night and sees the shadow of a threatening figure in a deerstalker hat staring at him as he sleeps. Detective La Toya got Dr. Con once and she won’t stop until she gets him again! My dear Bubbles, fetch her magnifying glass!