Carlos Danger’s Main Ho Is Getting Her Lips Done

Sydney Leathers, best known for being former NYC mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner’s sexting partner, graduated to full-blown porn earlier this year (I’m so sorry) and has become so self-conscious about the state of her sperm harbor that she has decided to undergo a labiaplasty. TMZ reports that Sydney is going to spend $8,400 to have her floor-length meat curtains trimmed up to valance length. That’s a lot of money to make your shit not look like something Bea Arthur wore on Golden Girls, especially when there’s such a glaring need to move that hairline halfway between it’s current location and Theresa Giudice.

It gets worse, though. If you’re clinging to a rocky ledge on the top of Mount Nausea this morning after waking up spooning either an empty bottle or some hose beast who was your best option at last call a few hours ago, allow Sydney to stomp on your fingers in exquisite heels from Discountstripper.com to send your hungover ass hurtling into the vomiting abyss. TMZ also said she will be SELLING her expertly butchered deli meat cast-offs on abiBids.com.

I hate myself for trying to figure out which category they would be listed under. RARE Finds? That could work if there’s a roast beef pun in there somewhere. All I know is that someone at that website needs to change the name of Memorabilia to Memoralabia for the duration of the auction if that’s what Sydney’s leather is going to be categorized as. There’s no minimum unless you count dignity, so bid away, sick fucks!