Look Out Aaron Carter, Sarah McLachlan Is Coming For Your Ass

November 21, 2013 / Posted by:

Aaron Carter, best known for his singing career, living as a walking, talking Faces of Meth poster and being the piece of scrap meat Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan once cat fought over in a back alley, is filing for Chapter 7 after getting his ass in a ridiculous amount of debt.

This is how the numbers play out according to TMZ:

Assets- $8,232.16

Liabilities- $2,204,854, including owing $31,166 to American Express

He owes the IRS $1,368,140

Monthly income – $1,997.75  with monthly expenses of $2,005 ($600 of which is spent on food)

As for his assets, he lists a 61″ flat screen worth $500.  He also lists 2 MacBooks, 2 Headset Mics, a Mini Keyboard, Portable Beats, a speaker, a guitar, Louis Vuitton backpack, a duffle bag and a printer worth a total of $2,500.  And he owns a Brietling watch worth $3,750.

What the fuck did he buy to rack up thirty thousand dollars in credit card debt to end up with the same crap you can find in any college student’s shitty apartment after student loan checks are sent out? Well, except for the LV backpack and watch, which scream “Scottsdale retiree”. Do drug dealers even take AmEx? Bitch needs to dial back his dietary needs if he’s still spending $600 a month to feed himself. Broke times call for broke measures and that means all the Ramen and canned chili your ass can stand (literally on that last one).

The worst part about Aaron’s paperwork was that he valued his dog at ZERO. Call Lloyd Dobbler and have him bring the boom box- Aaron is about to get a wake up call serenade of Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” on repeat until he cries like someone just flushed his stash. Animal friends are PRICELESS, thank you very much! This is giving me shades of my parent’s divorce when my dad put our golden retriever as an asset. Thankfully, we got the dog and he got an Ethan Allen couch so ugly it made you flinch.

Aaron’s current financial situation is so dire he’s living with a family member and I hope he’s spending his nights stretched out on a curb couch that smells like pee and hepatitis and looks like it came from one of the rooms those gross assholes at Febreeze dream up to put in their commercials. Aaron should call Lindsay up to hang out and get some tips from the Teflon Queen on how to skate through a puddle of shit and end up on the other side smelling like roses. They can pass a Grey Goose bottle they found empty in a dumpster and filled with Seagram’s back and forth while they pick each other’s scabs and crank call Lindsay’s sober coach before sending Dina out to “entertain” a gentleman caller for tomorrow’s booze money.

Photo: Splash

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