Full disclosure: I’ve listened to this song 6 times in a row and I can honestly say, without a shred of irony or exaggeration, that a song has never made me wish I was born deaf more than this (although my ears did just ask me if I own a gun, so it looks like hearing suicide might be right around the corner. THANK GOD).
Just when you thought the bar for terrible rich-kid rap was set as high as it could by Tom Hanks’s douchey son Chet (and, TBH, I really didn’t think it could possibly get any worse than that) Daniel Day-Lewis’s son pops up out of nowhere to slap the mic out of Chet’s hand and remind us that it can always get worse. Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to 19-year-old Gabe Day-Lewis, a teenage rapper who makes makes Justin Bieber look like Killer Mike. Gabe Day-Lewis’s song Green Auras is as clueless as you’d expect a spoiled rich son-of-Hollywood’s song about keeping-it-real to be, and it’s really terrific for a laugh and an eye-roll. However, in the event you don’t want to listen to this garbage (you’re strong; will you be my life coach?) I’ll give you the Cliffs Notes:
- Gabe’s idols are J. Cole and Nas (Nas: “Wow, that’s a bummer“)
- Gabe loves smoking weed. It may be his favourite thing ever (well, next to picking words at random from a rhyming dictionary and calling it rap)
- Gabe is ‘kicking it’ at Sarah Lawrence College; I believe that’s where DMX got his BA in Modern Languages and Literature (I could be wrong)
- Gabe is wearing a wooden Africa necklace because WHY. No really, why the fuck is he wearing that?!?
- Gabe wants you to call him Gabe Day, and not Gabe Day-Lewis. He also says that “judging someone for their dad is just as bad as being racist“. WHOAH. Hold. The. Fucking. Phone. Daniel Plainview, come pick up your kid.
There’s not much else to say about the video except that it looks like Gabe Day-Lewis saw Alison Gold’s Chinese Food and told his Daddy: “I want that, but instead of Chinese food, make it about smoking weed.” Green Auras is the son-of-an-Oscar winner version of asking Daddy for a $2000 gift certificate to ARK Music Factory for your birthday.
And if Gabe Day-Lewis was a Pokemon, his final form is Ras Trent, right?