The Second Coming Of Haylor Might Be Upon Us

November 18, 2013 / Posted by:

I always thought Taylor Swift was a “been there, done that, wrote a hit song about it” kind of trick, so I figured that when she and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s hair twin Harry Styles didn’t re-negotiate their contract in January, she’d troll the playrooms at award shows for the next barely legal white twink pop star to write songs about for her next album. But Ninemsn’s TheFIX says that Harry is once again squirting glaze on Taylor’s heart-shaped strawberry tart. That is not a euphemism. Taylor’s idea of a sexy Saturday night is making heart-shaped strawberry tarts. If she’s really into it, she’ll let her piece sprinkle his sugar on her pound cake donut.

Some source says that Taylor and Harry started talking again after running into each other at the VMAs. Taylor is house hunting in London (because you can never have too many houses that look a fancy Red Robin) and Harry offered to help her. The source burped this up:

“When Taylor confided in Harry during a phone conversation how she wanted to live somewhere close to him in North London whilst she was in Europe working, Harry quickly was on hand to help.They still have feelings for each other. She’s definitely still in love with him and he’s got a massive soft spot for her. They’ll see how it works at Christmas and make it official in the New Year.”

I really, really hope that Taylor’s search for the perfect house to stalk Harry Styles from is filmed for an episode of House Hunters International, because that would be the best episode ever. “I really like this balcony. I can see myself sipping my morning cup of scorned boy tears here.” “I really hate the color of these walls, but that’s okay, because I’m going to cover them with the blood of my next victim anyway.”  “I really like the ceiling height. I can hang my full-size replica of Captain Hook’s pirate ship in here.” “This kitchen doesn’t have a wall mounted Easy Bake Oven?! I told you that was at the top of my list!”

And as for Harry and Taylor getting back together, I’ll believe it when I see another picture of them doing the Dirty Dancing lift on Twitter. Harry’s a slut and Taylor’s not going to give up the coochie again. She might let him stick the tip in her b-hole, but the v is for serious boyfriends only!

Speaking of Taylor’s dudes, in their cover story on how Taylor is the BIGGEST POP STAH IN DA WORLD, New York Magazine asked her how her past boyfriends have reacted to her writing songs about them.

“I heard from the guy that most of Red is about. He was like, ‘I just listened to the album, and that was a really bittersweet experience for me. It was like going through a photo album.’ That was nice. Nicer than, like, the ranting, crazy e-mails I got from this one dude. It’s a lot more mature way of looking at a love that was wonderful until it was terrible, and both people got hurt from it—but one of those people happened to be a songwriter.”

The crazy, ranting bitch was obviously John Mayer. I bet he also e-mailed her a few viruses to go with the viruses he probably gave her twat.

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