Perfect Casting: Lindsay Lohan As Kenny Power’s Daughter On Eastbound & Down

November 18, 2013 / Posted by:

“Hi Ms. Lohan, I’m Darren! I’m the intern assigned to make sure you don’t snort all the prop drugs on set! And it looks like I’m too late. Well, nice meeting you!”

The 4th and final season of HBOs Eastbound & Down came to a close last night with another Kenny Powers death (Oh shit, SPOILERS! Sorry!) told in a narrated flash-forward that let’s us see Kenny and April’s children, Toby and Shayna, all grown up and played by Alexander Skarsgård (in a Cousin Larry wig) and Lindsay Lohan. It turns out everything is a dream and Kenny is just writing his memoirs or something, which explains him casting the role of his daughter with Lindsay Lohan, aka the only person alive who could drink and do more drugs than Kenny Powers (“I’ll try my best” – Lindsay Lohan).

I don’t mean to be a Skeptical Sally (I’m really more of a Crackpot Conspiracy Carol) but I’m not sure the woman in this clip is actually Lindsay Lohan. “Lindsay Lohan” is practically shorthand now for ‘Don’t ask me to go by your clock, because I work on my own time, and in my world it’s always Quarter to Nap‘ so there’s no realistic way they’d be able to get her on set, film not one, but several scenes, have her appear semi-sober, all within a 9-week time span. With that being said, I believe there are two explanations for what we’re seeing here:

Theory #1: Some kind of Lord of the Rings performance-capture green-screen shit. “Lindsay Lohan” could actually be no more than expensive computer animation and Andy Serkis in a bus-stop weave.

Theory #2: A Weekend at Bernie’s situation. A Ziploc freezer bag filled with Ambien is sent over to Lohan’s apartment; then, an out-cold Lindsay is brought to set and production interns are assigned to puppeteering her limbs.

Either theory can also be supported with her lack of dialogue. Not speaking a word means either she couldn’t memorize any lines (possible) or they couldn’t get anyone to drink enough lighter fluid to imitate her voice with any kind of precision.

And yes, Theory #2 was tested and supported through repeated observations on the set of The Canyons.

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