Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 18, 2013 / Posted by:

True Heart, the family dog of The Heart Family!

In Allison’s post yesterday about how Maddox being grown now is nature’s way of telling us that we’re all one step closer to snorting Benefiber lines off of each other’s prune-y ass cheeks in the “old sluts” wing in Shady Pines, she brought up The Heart Family and that made me think of their furry sheep dog True Heart.

The Heart Family lived in Barbie’s neighborhood and they were supposed to be the perfect family, but those bitches always looked shady to me and I knew they were hiding something. I don’t trust any family who wears matching outfits. The Heart dad looked so much like Ken and the reasonable answer for that is that he WAS Ken but with a different color of paint in his hair. But no, something more sinister was going on. I bet he was Single White Female-ing Ken and he moved his family into Barbie’s neighborhood so that he could easily sneak into her Dream House to sniff her worn panties (which is weird since her worn panties are probably odor-less because she doesn’t sweat and doesn’t have any orifices that leak stuff out) and rub her shoes against his flat crotch. The Heart family mom was a freak too. She was obviously always high on caffeine pills and was a major hoarder of 80s exercise equipment she bought from infomercials. While her husband was out stalking Barbie, she was in the basement weeping while clutching a door knob exerciser.

And those BABIES! Those babies were enormous. Their heads were bigger than their parents’ heads. The dad was too busy sucking off the ends of Barbie’s earrings and the mom was too hopped up on speed pills to notice that their babies were Godzilla babies. I don’t even think they were human babies. They were obviously fully grown pandas in human baby suits.

The only normal ho in that family was True Heart. Even though his eyes are literally two black dots, you could still see the terror in them. I hope True Heart eventually got away from those creepy whores. That’s if those monster babies didn’t eat him first.

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