I stared at this picture for a long ass time and I’m still not sure what the hell is going on here. At first, I thought it was Courtney Stodden after her hot air balloon titties gave up the limelight and migrated to her back , then I realized that even though the hair is a little ratty looking, it wasn’t harvested from a hobo living in Fraggle Rock, so it can’t be her.
It turns out when Jessica Simpson isn’t traipsing through a damn field to sing the praises of Weight Watchers, she’s lounging poolside is some Big-Tittied Frog Rorschach Test, which I obviously failed. I don’t need a therapist to tell me that seeing back boobs before giving up and wishing the guy in the photo would turn just a little so I can gauge the package situation means I have issues.
USWeekly says the photo shows her getting ready to shoot ads for the Jessica Simpson Collection, which will probably be fucked so hard by Photoshop they’ll get pregnant and demand child support from Adobe. They should hurry, it’s only a matter of time before Jessica trips and lands on her man’s dick again and births out another kid she can sort of name after a beloved zoo animal. I vote for Panda Cam Johnson.
Here’s Jessica in Studio City yesterday. She looks pretty good, and that’s my say something nice for the day.