Sorry, I Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Eyebrows

November 17, 2013 / Posted by:

Let’s take a moment to bow our heads and be grateful for the exquisiteness of Ireland Baldwin’s photo-negative eyebrows! She posted a pic on Instagram last night that showed off newly shoplifted Gwen Stefani extensions (fine, she just dyed her shit platinum) and eyebrows that are giving me minor heart palpitations. She got some crap from the high court of fashion opinions (strangers on the internet) on the darkness of her brows, but she said she wasn’t going to dye her “precious eyebrows” blonde.

I’m so happy she used the word precious- it makes the collage her boyfriend made that included Legolas feel a little like he might have been throwing some shade. Myyyyyy precioussss eyebrownssssss.

The Daily Mail says Ireland was also on Twitter defending her dad, Alec. Awww, how sweet that they’ve buried the hatchet- probably so he can’t throw it at anybody’s head when he goes to DEFCON 1.

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I’ve had more luck getting my point across with the hand signals they use on the tarmac at the airport and a few well-timed “NUH-UH!!”s. There’s not a soul on this planet who would take advice from a Baldwin on healthy family dynamics! It would be like going to The Vagina Monologues ready to be moved by female empowerment and having Miley Cyrus come out in two wash cloths held together with a bungee cord to perform it.

Ireland dug deep and also tweeted about armpit fat and having to shave with whipped cream, which I can’t even get behind. HELLO!!!! Embrace the stubble while you spray the stuff in your mouth. If you accidentally-on-purpose get a little of the gas, you won’t even care that your pits look like 30-grit sandpaper.

(Photo: Instagram)

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